August 15, 2013 - Let's just jump right into the journey Chapter 2

In continuing with my journey and the discussion of a higher power, I wondered what happens when the bag gets full. The man told me he bought a whole pack of bags. They were the kind of bags that your mother use to buy for school lunches. Having gone through the first few steps of the 12 step program I suppose the first two fit right in with the bag, but three seemed to be a bit more difficult. With God, making a decision to turn my will over to him seemed a natural thing. After all I understood when I accepted Yeshua (Jesus) I gave him my life, it was his anyway. But how do you do this with a paper bag? I wish I would have paid more attention to how this man did it. I do remember he stayed angry and wanted to blame everything on the woman who left him. No personal responsibility in the relationship it seemed; and of course step four was quite difficult for him because making a fearless moral inventory of yourself can take a bit of courage and self reflection, which he seemed not to want to do, nor could his bag on top of the refrigerator hold it all.  When the meetings were over many of us stopped off for coffee or a drink somewhere to continue our fellowship, however this man was rarely included. Seemed no one wanted to be around him. We of course shared our war stories of divorce and separation more in-depth with each other, especially as we grew closer with individuals in our group.

It was apparent to me during that time in spite of what looked like the end of the world, in spite of being left with two children to raise on my own and few skills to market that my only hope was in God. Now you have to understand that even during this time I was pretty angry with God and with my church. For some reason people in churches react to divorce as if it were some kind of communicable disease. Here I was the same lady who taught catechism classes every Tuesday, attended prayer meetings & bible studies, daughter when to private school at the church, sang in the choir and the moment my husband leaves, for another woman, you would have though I was a leper. It wasn’t my fault he was an alcoholic and addicted to porn and weed, but that didn’t seem to matter. So all I had was my support group at this time and God, who was on my pissed list at the time. It’s funny as I look back now knowing I was angry with God but still working through the program knowing HE was my only hope.

August 14, 2013 - Let's just jump right into the journey Chapter 1

I firmly believe that you can eat all the right things, do all the right exercise and still be sick because your spirit is sick. Over my life I have found myself on a journey integrating my mind, body and spirit. It is here that I will share my journey in hopes that others may be encouraged and given hope for their own personal journey.

I do not just seek peace in my life, but Shalom. Shalom is a Hebrew word that means nothing missing, nothing broken, complete peace. It is the peace that passes all understanding that Yeshua (Jesus) told us about.

A number of years ago, like 30 plus, I went through a painful divorce. Through a newspaper ad I found a 12 step program called Suddenly Alone and began attending. Having a deep faith in God I was able to relate to the “Higher Power” in the 12 steps as the creator of the universe, my redeemer and savior. However, there were people in the group who just did not believe in God and could not relate to Him as a “Higher Power”.

In the group it did not matter what you chose as your higher power, but just that you needed one. I remember one man, who was particularly angry about his divorce, chose a paper bag that he put on top of his refrigerator. It seemed to me to be odd at the time, since I was in the process of fully submitting myself to the God of the Universe, but it seemed to work for him. As we worked through our 12 steps, we each turned over our powerlessness to our Higher Power. For most of us that was symbolic more than physical, but for this particular man he put everything in the paper bag on top of the refrigerator.

I remember writing letters to God about how I felt going through the divorce, what I though He should do about it, and how I wanted him to fix it all and make my marriage work again. God is God, He does not do what we want Him to do for us. He does what’s best for us; and so I worked my way through the 12 steps, realizing I was really powerless over my life because I had given my life to Him, it was His, I was His and what I wanted in my life was no longer my options because I gave myself to Him. Thus began a journey of total trust and reliance upon God who created me for my own unique destiny.